Go on
by Lil' Ass Kicker
Summary: How can she go on knowing he'll never know his daughter? In which Jake gets hurt, and Amy ponders what'll happen if he doesn't recover. Slight Angst...


_**Summary: How can she go on knowing he'll never know his daughter? In which Jake gets hurt, and Amy ponders what'll happen if he doesn't recover.  
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_**Disclaimer: I donnot own Brooklyn Nine-Nine or any of it's characters. **_

_**Go on**_

_**3rd Person**_

She remembers a lot of things, and forgets a few things- here and there. She remembers birthdays, anniversaries and occasions she _knows_ not to forget. She forgets her brothers anniversary, she forgets her mother and fathers too, She forgets shopping lists and present buying. But she never forgets a birthday, ever. So she'll never forget her boyfriends.

She remembers telling her boyfriend she was pregnant. She remembers his over joyed face and his call to him mom straight away. That was his birthday, his mother would be over later and she thought he'd at least wait until then. But than again, he could never keep a secret. Could, can't. Whatever she says, she can't remember that either.

She remembers the day Captain Holt came to her desk and congratulated her, no one else knew, and everyone's faces. She remembers Charles calling for a cake, she remembers Terry pulling her into a tight hug (and him accidentally giving Jake a chest bump and him falling to the floor, but that's a detail he asks her to gloss over) and Gina drawling out her 'congrats Mrs soon to be Peralta, it'll happen' and Rosa's nod towards her with a monotone 'congrats Santiago' before everyone else had to explain to Scully about what was going on.

She will never forget Captain Holt's expression towards her two months later. She smiled up at him, to no avail, and he asked her to join him in his office.

She'll never forget saying how she had a lot of work and preferred to finish it by the end of the day, and she'll always remember him telling her that Peralta, her boyfriend- fucking father of her child, for god sakes- had been shot. She remembers grabbing onto the side of a chair and falling to the floor with a small sob at her back of her throat.

She remembers going to the hospital with a hand wrapped protectively around her stomach, she remembers the nurses face as she recognizes her.

_"Are you here for your scan?" _

Her faces falls as she explains why, and she leads her to his room- which she can't go into because he's having surgery- and sitting her down with a glass of water and a tissue.

She was hysterical, as you would be, even Captain Holt couldn't calm her down. Her boyfriend had spent six months undercover relatively safe from harm, coming back looking almost normal- he'd lost weight, she could tell- and now... now he went out with Boyle on a stake out (Because Terry had claimed it was unsafe for any woman, let alone a pregnant one) and he got shot within two hours.

She blamed herself, of corse, because she wasn't there. She wasn't there before anyone else, she wasn't with him. For all she knows he could've been doing anything, and maybe even thinking about the baby, before he was on the floor with a shot in the chest.

Boyle explained it all to her.

He was talking about _her, _talking about the baby, talking about moving somewhere bigger, even talking about getting married and he got shot. In the midst of saying how he was thinking about names for the baby he was on the floor.

_Wheres the freaking breaking point for crying to stop?_ She thought. She thought a lot in the few months she was there, yeah months. She'd been there until she was five months along, everyone told her to find out the gender of the baby- which she did.

A girl, a baby girl. A small baby girl who'd depend of her- them- more than anything. She told Jake constantly about her, about names. She'd sit there in silence sometimes, listening to the distant cry of infants being introduced to the world for the first time. She thought about how she'd be joining the group of mothers in the maternity unit.

* * *

><p>She remembers when he was moved to a different room, a room he'd share with four others in the same sort of position as him. There were two young men, probably younger than thirty, and one older man- maybe forty's, if not older. She'll always remember the old man though, he was the only person who'd join her at his bed side.<p>

_"What are you doing?" She'd asked, watching the old man hobble towards her- he'd had a walking stick that he took every where. He was dependent on it at all times, he'd smiled in response. _

_"Joining you. My mother always told me to join people and comfort them when alone or in heart ache." She shrugged. "You are both those things aren't you? There's no need to be lonely with good company by you, I was always told I was a good laugh to be around. But you can judge that can't you?" He was obviously from New Zealand. Very energetic too, he held out a hand with a smile. _

_"I guess so..." She sniffs and takes his outstretched hand. "I'm Amy Santiago. This is Jake Peralta, my boyfriend." He nodded. _

_"Jonathan Cowey." He smiled, and gestured towards him. "How'd he get... ill?" _

_"Shot?" He nods. "Same way as anyone else I guess, bullet put into a gun, trigger pulled, gun fired, bullet in the chest." He looked a little taken aback. "I'm sorry, my head is just everywhere." _

_"It's alright, you just need to not worry. He's in the best hands, and now I'm here to reassure you he'll be alright." She nods. "What are you having?" He asks. _

_"A little girl." He smiles wide. _

_"That's lovely, I have two girls. Both in their twenties now though, not babies... always to me though." She nods. "He know what gender?" She shrugs. _

_"I guess so, I told him but whether or not he can hear me is a different story." He nods. _

_"Y'know what my mother used to tell me about being unconscious?" She shakes her head. "It's just dreaming, you're happy. You can hear things but you brain won't take it in, my mother was a smart woman y'know? She was always right, but always wrong too!" He nudges her as he laughs. "He'll wake up soon I think, when he has all this to look forward too... I know it." _

_"What if he doesn't?" _

_"You can't think like that, Amy." _

_"It doesn't stop me from thinking it though does it?" _

_He shakes his head. "The mind is a fickle thing, you tell it not to do something it'll do it in a heartbeat. It's like your mother telling you not to have the last cookie, you're brain wants to... so you do. I tell my brain all the happy things. I hate hospitals, don't think I don't, but honestly... I think about getting back to my wife and daughters. It keeps me going." _

_"So what should I think about?" She asks. "Because all I can think is...what if he never meets his own daughter? How can I go on knowing he'll never meet his own daughter?" _

_"Don't think that!" He exclaims._ "Don't be thinking 'how can I go on knowing he'll never know his daughter?' it's not right. It'll make you sadder than now." __

Jonathan did that a lot, when she was there he'd always join her.

* * *

><p>One day she'd been sitting there like normal with him when a hacking was heard behind them. It was the forty year old hacking up whatever it was, she'd ran to go find a nurse while he asked the man if he was alright.<p>

He'd vomited a few times with coughing and hacking, in the end she'd left to go get a coffee and the nurses allowed her to bring Jonathan back one.

_"Thank you." He accepted the coffee, smiling a little. "The man got taken away." She nodded. "Jake moved a little while you were gone, I think, maybe a slight twitch of the finger. Maybe not." She nods again and grabs her boyfriends hand. _

_"At least it's progress." _

_"And it'll carry on progressing until he's on his feet." _

She remembered going in the next day and Jonathan looking horrified and tired. He was at the foot of Jake's bed and there was a new man where the forty year old was. She remembered him having tears in his eyes as he detailed the nights events.

The man died. She remembered tearing up and Jonathan excused himself. It was her first time alone at Jake's bedside in a while, or what seemed like a while.

* * *

><p>She remembered a lot of things at that hospital. A lot, a lot. She remembered when Jake woke up for two minutes, exactly. He could talk, just about, he's eyes widened when he saw her stomach. He couldn't stop asking.<p>

_"I'm so sorry," He took a deep breath and Jonathan reared up towards them with a happy smile on his face. _

_"Jake!" She stood up, rushing to his side in a second. Jonathan smiled at the two as if watching his daughter get married. _

_"How's the baby?" He asked, eyes widening as he placed a hand on her stomach. _

_"She's fine." She sniffed and kissed him. _

_"She? It's," He inhaled. "A girl?" He exhaled. _

_She nodded. "It's a girl, I'm six months now." He smiled and his hand tightens a little when the baby kicks. "She's never kicked so hard, I've never felt it that hard." She smiles more and kisses him again. "Jonathan's been taking care of me..." He smiles. "I have to go get the nurse OK." _

_"OK, Missy." She rushes off and returns moments later, nurse in tow. "Ames, that's her name." _

_"What?" She asks, dodging the nurse who is fussing over him. _

_"Missy." He breaths in deeply before closing his eyes. "Missy Santiago- Peralta." She shakes her head. _

_"Missy Peralta." She kisses him again before she hears a soft snore. _

She will never forget Jonathan's face, apparently Jake thanked him for looking after her when she left. Jonathan looked over joyed at the fact the single most important thing in her life right now- excluding the mini them inside her- took a space in that two minute time he had to say thank you for looking after his girlfriend, when he'd done it as an act of kindness.

* * *

><p>She will never forget Jonathan, even now she still calls him every week to check up on him. He'll come into the precinct, happy as rain, and offer them lunch. She'll never forget how just as she was about to give up, a man who could've been calling his family or focusing on getting better... helped her have hope.<p>

She will always remember when she heard that the twenty- something- year old in the bed next to him had told him he was a good man for looking after her. She was scared a lot of the time, when she heard a cough in the background or she could smell the food being prepared. Yes, she got sick whenever she smelt it and had to run to the bathroom to throw up.

She'll always remember when Jake woke up, for real this time. She'll never forget Jonathan excitedly introducing himself and telling him about how Amy had proclaimed him a godfather.

_"Really?" Jake asks. "You did, did you?" She nods._

_"As long as it's OK I would like too." He nods. _

_"It's OK." She smiles and kisses him softly. "I like him already." _

* * *

><p>She remembers going into labor at one at night, just preparing for bed when a pain shot through her and Jake came rushing in. He'd been recovering still, but since she was close to birth, he'd asked to stay at home for a while and going to check ups. She'll never forget his panic and him rushing to the hospital.<p>

Suddenly she can remember less and less of the birth, but she can remember when she'd came home with Missy tucked under her arm and Jonathan was sitting on their couch with a smile on his face- wife and two children at his side- she passed Missy over and she remembers his face at her. His wife and children greeted her happily, stating how adorable Missy was.

_"What's her name?"_ _He asked. _

_"Missy Ellen Peralta." She smiled as he chuckled down at the small babe, who whined at the mention of her name. "I think she likes it a little more than she lets on."  
><em>

_Jonathan nods and coos down at her. "She's cute. Missy Ellen Peralta."_

* * *

><p>She remembers bringing her into the precinct for the first time, Terry coos over her and Gina snaps her gum.<em> "She's real cute, Santiago."<em>

_"Thanks Gina." _

She remembers Captain Holt's almost smile as she introduced her.

_"Missy Ellen Peralta." She says, handing over the baby gently. _

_"Missy, is that short for anything?" He asks, lips curling a small amount before he regains himself and stops. _

_"Nope, it's a long story sir." She smiles, leaning into Jake- who then wraps his arms around her and kisses the top of her head. "We actually wanted to ask you something..." _

_"Ask away." He says, eyes not leaving the baby. _

_"We would like it if you would be present for when we get her christened... as a witness." _

_"So soon?" _

_"Nah, Amy's just a planner!" Jake exclaims, earning him a sharp dig in the rib. "Ow! I thought you were supposed to help me recover, not damage me more." Another dig. "Will you please god stop?" _

_"Sorry, force of habit." _

* * *

><p>She can't remember anymore then that, because if she did... than she'd be older. She's currently trying to remember the last place in her book, she'd forgotten- the bookmark fell out. Jake comes up from behind her and kisses her head before kneeling down beside her and placing a hand over her stomach. Missy runs in minutes later- after she's found her place in the book- and Jake picks her up, he walks out to make her some food.<p>

He walks back in ten minutes later, Missy running in front of him, he's handing her a cup of water she'd asked for. He sets Missy down on the sofa and helps her eat her sandwich, watching the sports channel and trying not to swear- because she hates it.

He grabs her hand once Missy has gone upstairs for a moment, he rubs his thumb over her wedding ring and she smiles.

She remembers the wedding day clearly- Missy was one year old- Boyle was crying as she walked down the aisle with her dad at her side. He shrugged when her dad asked him where the bathroom was- and he accidentally caught the microphone, her father had insisted for that one- he regret it after- everyone let out a chuckle while she held her face in her hands. Once the ceremony was over, everyone pestered her father and helped him find the bathroom- which he didn't appreciate, though it was a joke, he found it already.

She remembers going home that night, Missy curled up at his side as he carried her. She had her thumb in her mouth and they tucked her in her bed and shut the door- but not before whispering how much they loved her to her. She remembers getting changed and curling up next to him, they had decided not to go on honeymoon as they didn't want to leave Missy, him kissing the side of her head.

She remembers telling him she was pregnant again, on his mothers birthday this time, and she remembers him having the same reaction as before- if not more. She can remember not being embarrassed at work when Gina has make crude comments about when she could have been conceived, which she's not gonna say- that's a violation of privacy! And she remembers Rosa patting Jake on the back and him wincing, he was a big ole softie more now than ever.

Boyle's preparation for Missy's birthday was cut short as he called for another cake, Terry hugged her too tight and Captain Holt picked up Missy while his mouth quirked up a little before regaining himself and keeping a straight face.

* * *

><p><em><strong>It popped into my head and yesterday I actually started to write it! :) And this happened so fast, 2000 odd words in an hour last night and than more today so... :) Hope you enjoyed, sorry for the slight angst but... if I'm honest I think I'm better at angst more than anything else. <strong>_

_**~ Lil' Ass Kicker. **_


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